A Realization

I don't think I want to be a costume designer after all. At least, not now. Maybe, in a while, I'll change my mind, but I'm realizing that there are a lot of differences between the other costume design students and me. I don't jump at the opportunity to work on three or more shows per semester; that scares the crap out of me! I need time to do my homework, and now that my homework is design-related, I'd like to focus my extra-curricular attention to things outside of theatre. There's this expectation that, being a design major, I should interview for every student production, and have a job in the costume shop or the craft room. In high school, I had enough time to get all of that design stuff done, but now, it seems like I'm always missing out on hanging out with my friends because I was working on the show. Only a few of the theatre people here even talk to me; my friends are all writers, marketing majors, and film majors. I feel like that says something about my true place in the world, and I liked theatre so much more before I got into this pre-professional stuff.

I'm not blaming this realization on just the one bad experience that I'm currently having. As I said in my post a while ago, the designers that I'm currently working with are people who don't particularly like me. It's not easy, running around to keep on top of paperwork that changes every five seconds, and then not having everything listed because we don't have clothes for every costume. I can't guess for either of those things, as people's roles change fairly often, and yet it seems that that's the source for everyone treating me like I'm slow. Yes, it does take time to type something out, and I can't write while I'm adding rows to an Excel document. I respect the fact that everyone's tired and cranky because we kept working instead of eating lunch, but it's not like I'm better off than that, either. As of tomorrow, I'll be free in two weeks!

After those two weeks are up, I'm not sure what I'll be doing. Maybe it's time to figure out a minor in something unrelated to theatre, since I have to major in that for the sewing classes. Marketing could be a good idea, if I'm going to pursue the idea of just making stuff and selling it for a while. I'm going to send my resume to a designer in the grade above me, who's been running a business for a few years already. Working for her would be very flexible, as it's just sewing work to help her get stuff done for the orders. I might also see if the craft room wants me to do stuff, but I'm not sure how that will work halfway through the semester. I'm just not free during shop hours until this show is over. I'd like to get more involved with film, either as a designer or an actor. I'm not picky about that! The only thing that matters in the next two weeks is survival. I want to get my work done for the show without failing my midterms or having an emotional breakdown in front of everyone, and I'm going to fight for that.