I feel like I'm in a rut with my life right now. Something's missing, but I don't really know what, or how to explain it. I'm searching, searching for...meaning, maybe, and yet that's not exactly the right word. I don't fit in here, but I don't stick out either. I've felt different this semester, different in some unknown way. Maybe this is just the beginning of some kind of transformation. After this, I might be more certain of what I want out of life. Or maybe I'm just being weird and none of this even matters. I don't know. I'm bored of the routines in my life here, but I shouldn't be bored because I've been back for less than a month. I like the friends that I have here, but I'm not even sure what we have in common. I'll never feel comfortable in an Emerson Christian Fellowship meeting; I tagged along once because that's where all of my friends were going. Nope, I still have my same essential absence of religious beliefs. Tried that. Sometimes I question why I even want to be an artist. Everyone's so deep with their ideas here, and I'm like "this is what I think, I don't know if it symbolizes anything."Maybe my problem is that I barely have any time to create things, and when I do I'm not creating for myself anymore. I'm creating for shows, or for class. I haven't opened my sketchbook since I've been back; I've barely had time, let alone inspiration. Maybe I just don't know what to say.
I'm starting to sound like every other hipster who goes here. And yet, I think that I'm probably not losing myself. Maybe I'm finding myself. Everything's so strange in my mind.
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